Thursday, January 29, 2009

Swagger (2 minutes you'll never get back)

Slang is defined as A kind of language occurring chiefly in casual and playful speech, made up typically of short-lived coinages and figures of speech that are deliberately used in place of standard terms for added raciness, humor, irreverence, or other effect.

Swagger (as defined my (traditional use)
 –verb (used without object) walk or strut with a defiant or insolent air. boast or brag noisily.–verb (used with object) bring, drive, force, etc., by blustering.–noun
4.swaggering manner, conduct, or walk; ostentatious display of arrogance and conceit.

Swagger (as defined by Urban (slang use)
How one presents him or her self to the world. Swagger is shown from how the person handles a situation. It can also be shown in the person's walk.

It is hard to tell from up here on my high horse, but for all practical purposes these definitions are pretty much the same. According to my morning news, Swagger is now a slang term. If the term is being used in keeping with the traditional definition, it isn't slang, even if all the cool kids are saying it. Instead of teaching those of us with vocabularies larger than a third grader's the new "slang" term, we should be celebrating the fact that people with double digit IQ's know how to correctly use a two syllable word.

Why, you might ask, does all this matter?
Well, it doesn't. It just doesn't take much to annoy me and you had the misfortune of coming across this post.

Stay tuned for pictures of my close-encounter with a nutria rat.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

In Memory of.....What!?!?!?

Have you ever seen those "In Memory of (fill in the blank)" stickers on random cars out on the road? Those things drive me insane, for a couple reasons, not the least of which is that fact that I have serious issues for all things that (I deem) are stupid!! In my view when the words "In memory of" are part of some sort of memorial (obviously) it implies that something physical has been commissioned in the memory of a loved one, i.e. a headstone, a planted tree, a donation to charity or something, ANYTHING! When we see these stickers, are we to believe that the vehicle on which they are affixed was purchased in someone's memory? Could it be that they are saying "Ha! I bought this with the inheritance", or "My (so and so) died and all I got was this lousy car"? Or is it the sticker itself that has been commissioned in loving memory of whomever? Now I know my hatred for most vanity-type bumper stickers may be clouding my judgement on the matter (don't get me started on the stick figure family stickers), but if someone commissioned a sticker in my memory, I may have to rise from the ashes to haunt the hose bag who paid money for said sticker.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Going Green

I get made fun of ALOT for trying to be green. Just so you know I was recycling before it was the cool thing to do, and I have never, would never, own a t-shirt that says something to the effect of "I'm cool because I recycle". I do buy organic when I can, I take reusable bags to the grocery store, I use eco-friendly cleaning products, not the pseudo eco-friendly ones. I do my homework, I look into companies that claim to be green, to make sure they are, before I patronize them.

In the spirit of full disclosure the irony of my green-ness is that everything I purchase is paid for with the money my husband makes working for an oil refinery, and is transported in my tank of an SUV. Hey, I am doing what I can.

My next green project is gardening. I'm sure I will find this to be quite challenging because although I have managed to keep my 3 children alive, no other living creature has survived long in my house (or my back yard). My raised bed garden will be all organic. I am building a leaf mold compost pile, and making a worm bin for kitchen refuse compost. I haven't nailed down all the details, but I will take pictures of the progress and post here along the way. As if life wasn't busy enough!

Here are two websites I just found.
Blue Avocado This company is based in Austin. I ordered some of these last night. They are affordable and much more versatile than the bags sold at the grocery store.

Laundry Tree I ordered the trial size soap nut kit, to see if I like how it works in our laundry. If it works well this could be a great way to save money and be green at the same time. No more purchasing detergents in plastic containers.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


I have often heard that it takes three weeks of doing something for it to become a habit. Since today marks the end of the first 3 weeks of 2009, any new year's resolutions begun on Jan 1st should be habit by now, right???? I'm not so sure if the 3 week rule applies to New Year's resolutions because so many resolutions revolve around issues we've been unsuccessful in dealing with in the past. I want to lose weight, I want to save money, I want to eat healthier, etc. etc. Setting such general goals, sets us up for failure from the start because as soon as you perceive that you haven't lost the weight, saved the money, or whatever, it is chalked up as another failure.

"Oh well, I'll try again next year"

This is the first year I have ever made any resolutions because I have always assumed I'd fail to meet my own expectations. I wasn't remarkably creative with the resolutions I came up with, but I tried to be very specific.

Instead of "I want to lose weight" I resolved to lose 5 lbs a month. If I fail this month I can still succeed next month.

Instead of "I want to save money" I resolved to stop buying to-go drinks every time I run errands. I had calculated that I was spending about $100.00 a month driving through to buy myself a drink 2 times per day.

Instead of "I want to be more thoughtful" I resolved to try to acknowledge everyone's birthday this year with a card or a phone call. I am falling behind on this since my Grandpa's birthday has already passed, but that is what they make "be-lated" cards for right!?

Finally, instead of "I want to get in better shape" I resolved to run 3, 5k's and 1 half marathon during this calendar year. My first 5K is on Mar 7th and I have recruited about 10 people to do it with me so there is no backing out now!!!

I guess only time will tell if I am able to be firm in my resolve and accomplish the goals I set for myself. If not, there is always next year.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Love and Marriage

I just 'celebrated' my 10 year wedding anniversary, by celebrated I mean the day came and went and we acknowledged it with a quick dinner at a decent restaurant. Not quite the pomp and circumstance I imagined for my 10th anniversary, but then again being married hasn't turned out like I'd imagined either.

Coming from a family where people can barely count the number of their marriages on one hand (some need both hands), I never really had an example of what a successful marriage looks like. What I always saw was, when it starts to suck, you leave!!! Having been married to the same man that I both love and, at times, despise, I can say that sometimes it does suck. Sometimes the responsibilities of life can knock the wind out of any romance we might experience. How do you lust after a man whose leaves traces of his ball powder all over the floor, or whose pee you have to wipe off the toilet because his aim was off? I'm sure that goes both ways , though I can't imagine what I might do wrong!

Sometimes we are more different than we are alike, sometimes we are just putting up with each other to get through the day. In the end it does seem like we like each other more than we don't, and we always have things to talk about. We may not agree with, or even understand, each other's positions on many of life's issues, but there is still a mutual respect that keeps us where we are. I guess that is more important that the little things, like the fact that he would much rather rent movies at home and I want to live at the theater, and he thinks camping is a vacation and I'm more into spas and facials. In the end if it turns out that the little things are, in fact, more important, I can always turn to chocolate and a good vibrator to keep me company!!!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Pieces of Heaven

Though I don't believe in heaven, I think I may have found something close to it right here in Houston. I recently took my family to the chocolate bar. No it isn't a new place, I'm just slow on the uptake. I have heard about this place through the grapevine for a few years now, but boredom finally motivated me to make the drive to see what it was all about.

When you walk in, the smell sends you into an olfactory overload, and once you recover from that you may need to take a seat once you see all the glorious treats awaiting your perusal. Between the 5 of us we tried the espresso ice cream, night and day ice cream and the creamy dreamy truffle ice cream. This stuff is so rich, the smallest size was plenty. I also had a toffee coffee, a milk chocolate cinnamon toast crunch cluster and some chocolate covered popcorn.

I am, by no means, a candy snob. My favorite candy is Milk Duds, not exactly something to go bragging about to any foodie friends, but if I had to choose between never experiencing the chocolate bar again and losing the ability to reach orgasm, I would, at the very least, have to weigh my options.

The Tundo on the Track

Running a 5-K has been on my "to do" for at least 5 years, I think it may finally be time to get off my ass and just do it. I have registered for a 5k scheduled for March 7th (8 weeks and counting) I started "training" last week, using the couch to 5-K training schedule, we'll just see how it goes.

I have romantic images of myself as a runner, none of which include the chub-rub or stress incontinence that actually comes along with an overweight 30-something pounding it out for a mile or so.

In my fantasy, my svelt, muscular legs glide past one another as I effortlessly complete a 3 mile run.

In reality my ass cheeks continue to shake like Jello for several seconds after my foot has hit the ground, I am panting like an asthmatic hooker, the friction between my thighs could solve the climate crisis and I've probably peed in my pants just a little bit. Not to mention that flatus beomes an issue, to the point where I almost feel guilty for the other runners in my immediate environment.

All this after only 1 mile.

Maybe one day I'll become the runner I imagine myself to be, but for now I'm happy being the tundo on the track.

But everybody is doing it......

I am the first to admit that I have a blogging problem, but knowing is only half the battle. I start blogs, I delete blogs, I start new blogs, I get a few hate mails, then I delete them again. This is my third attempt at blogging and I am not even sure why I am here anyway. I am annoyed by the fact that everyone I know has a blog. Even people with absolutely NOTHING to say. It all ends up sounding like the same regurgitated gushiness and is about as appealing as day old oatmeal or the litter box after an extended vacation. There will be little, to no, overemotional rhetoric here. I love my kids, but I do not exist solely for the pupose of mothering them, I don't have a great cause for which I need to raise awareness, I know you don't (or shouldn't) care about the random happenings of my family, and I'm not going to try to drag you along on some personal journey to accomplish a meaningless goal (I tried that once, hence the hatemail). I really just need to write. This is the place where my words can come out to play, read them or not, here they come!!!