8 Reasons I think Easter is lame.

*I don't hate Jesus, I'm just not Christian.
*A bunny that hides eggs is STUPID, no bunnies hide anything at my house.
*I DO NOT need any unsolicited chocolate at my house.
*I don't eat ham.
*Deviled eggs are overrated, but I do love the irony of serving them at an Easter lunch;)
*I don't want to take leftovers home, my in-laws get offended by this.
*I have found it is better to lie and say that I do celebrate Easter than to tell people the truth. I mean really, is there anything better than someone trying to save me and my poor heathen children in the middle of the grocery store?
* I do NOT want to go to church with you, or you or you, and I'm tired of explaining why.

On the other hand, those cadbury mini-eggs are freaking fabulous, disregard the 8 bullet points above if that is the Easter you'd like to share with me.

Things to think about...

I had an MRI of my brain today. I thought I would get claustrophobic, but I didn't.
It wasn't too bad.
It's a rather sobering experience when a doctor wants to check your brain for tumors and such. I'm not all that worried, but I'd be lying if I said that I haven't been pondering the possibilities....
I just want to live long enough to mother my children into adulthood and a brain tumor could get in the way of that.
I'm really not worried.
It is funny, though, how long it has taken me to get to know myself.
I just realized that when I worry, you know,the neurotic-all encompassing, stomach wrenching type of worry, it's usually when I have absolutely no reason to.
When I have cause for worry, I get this weird calm about me, I get all philosophical and, to be honest, kind of douchey.
See what a big person I am for being able to admit that about myself? Yeah, I'm impressed by that too.

Another thing I learned today...
Don't fart in an MRI machine when you still have 40 minutes of scan to sit through...

Kharma...

I have a sick and twisted sense of humor, this is a fact about myself I've never tried to hide (not that I could if I wanted to). I laugh at inappropriate things, often in an otherwise quiet room. I say things that, I think, are hilarious, but other people find offensive. I crack myself up, while people stare at me with a blank expression. You get the point!
One of the things that I find totally hilarious is when someone falls down. I know I'm not alone in this, but I am one of the few people that lack the first, seemingly instinctual, reaction of finding out if the person is okay BEFORE I bend over laughing at them. I can't help it, if someone falls down (or even has a near miss) I'm probably going to laugh until I cry, fart or snort. The time I am most ashamed of was when I was starting a new teaching job (for principal bitchface) and I was attending all the new teacher orientations before the school year. For one of the trainings we had to ride a bus to another location, and, well, long story short, the lady directly behind me on the bus BUSTED HER ASS coming down the stairs to get off. My reaction was not Kosher and I did not make any friends that day, but it wasn't completely my fault since the lady made some really ridiculous groaning noises after her tumble. I'm pretty sure if I had tried not to laugh I would've stroked out right there. I did feel a twinge of guilt when she showed up the next day wearing some sort of ridiculous, fully-loaded, ankle-boot, but whatever!
The Kharma part is coming, just stay with me!
About 4 months ago, I got a sinus infection that moved to my ear. My ear just felt full and I couldn't hear anything out of it. I went to the Dr. a few times, trying to get my ear back to functional and, well, that has yet to happen. This week, I finally got serious and went to an ENT, not just any ENT, THE ENT in Houston. His report was not what I wanted to hear, I have sudden onset nerve deafness in my ear that is probably permanent. I can still hear most of the range of human voice, but I will have trouble hearing deep men's voices (this may be a benefit living in my house). Because I am young, and otherwise healthy, I have to do some tests to rule out all the big bad causes like tumors and such, there is a very low chance of these actually being the cause, (no, I'm not concerned).
And now for the Kharma...
What he thinks the diagnosis will end up being is something called cochlear hydrops which is often the beginning of Miniere's disease. Miniere's disease isn't fatal, but can be debilitating because of the sudden and intense episodes of vertigo which cause people to...

SUDDENLY...
AND UNEXPECTEDLY...
FALL DOWN!!!

SONOFABITCH

I'm hoping this is not the diagnosis, but looking at all the options, this one isn't the worst. The vertigo will go away eventually after something called "burn-out" which means total deafness in the ear. I just hope I'm not surrounded by people like me, when I randomly drop to the floor. Someone's gonna have to help me get back up....

Still here...

I'm still here, just REALLY REALLY busy. So busy, in fact, that I keep thinking I should shut this "blog" down, but it isn't hurting anything sitting idle and sometimes I amuse myself by going back into old posts.
I do have ALOT to write about too, just no time to write or even process what is going on enough to form a coherent thought.

My birthday is tomorrow and I have to say I'm a little disappointed. For some (completely illogical reason) I thought 33 was going to be MY year. It wasn't. On a happy note, it looks like I should finish my degree in about 18 more months (or 2 years, whatever)! I'm pretty sure I still have a job for next school year AND my marriage, which was on the verge, is now better than ever! SOOOO Maybe 34 is MY year...Guess we'll see!

Nothing to say

I haven't written in FOREVER, but really you should consider that a gift from me to you. I, honestly, have nothing to say! I could tell you about all the shit going down in my life right now, but if I did that I'm pretty sure this would be your last click over here. I mean do you really want to hear about how I have put the hubs on notice that if he didn't take a more active role in the holiday goings on of our house, it would, without exception be the last time we weren't taking turns having the children for the holidays??? Probably not... Or do you want to hear about what a terrible mother I am because I am to the point of not be able to stand my children while their father is gone, working 72 to 84 hours a week??? No, you say? Or how some really good friendships that I have had have now apparently morhped into some weird new thing that has no name??? I can't blame you I wouldn't either!?!? Or how my oldest son is being bullied for not believing in god, and how we had to have a come to jesus meeting (irony, I know) with some parents (and children) about the way they are allowing/instructing their children to treat him??? My eyes burn just thinking of it. Maybe you want to hear about how I diagnosed myself with advanced terminal melanoma, gave myself only weeks to live,and cried for 6 days until I could get in to see the dermatologist??? Well that story is a maybe!

10. set. hut.

My oldest son is 9. He is so smart, he's a great conversationalist, he has superior looks (he does favor me but I'm totally objective in this opinion) and he can be so sweet and charming at will. He is also a bit quirky and occasionally socially awkward, but his greatest flaw is that he is about as coordinated as the left testicle of an encephalitic monkey. Parenting him is equal parts challenging, humbling, rewarding and exhausting.

We have tried, to no avail, to get him into sports, ANY sport.
His baseball coach was visibly perturbed by the fact that was he had to share air with him (we found out definitively that there IS crying in baseball),
His tumbling coach gave up and let him run around the gym during practice,
His one (free trial) karate lesson ended with him saying "this blows" right in front of the sensai.
We did have some luck in basketball, but there was more disdain on the court when number 9 was out there.
Needless to say, I was more than taken aback when my husband asked him over dinner, one evening, if he wanted to sign up for football. Aside from the fact that we had "agreed" not to let the boys play full tackle football until junior high, I was concerned about the harmful effects of his multiple, failed attempts to participate in a pyhsical, team sport. Especially one in which paralysis and head injuries are listed among the injuries which may be sustained in playing said sport. BUT I gave in, as I often do because I do want him to be healthy and active. Another consideration is the fact that he is big for his age and as strong as an ox, or Lenny from Of Mice and Men (choose your own simile here).

Fast Forward to his first practice. He hustled like we have NEVER seen him hustle before. The hubs and I were both overjoyed that he seemed to have found a sport that he liked and was willing to put effort into. He left the field smiling and happy and was excited to go back the next day. We practically fell over ourselves giving each other high five's.
The second practice, well it was different. They had to wear full pads which meant that they would be tackling. I put my faith in the coaches to teach my son proper techniques and form before throwing him out there, but I was soon educated on the fact that "that isn't how it is done in football." Ummmm Yeah. He had NO IDEA what to do, and these coaches were yelling at him, using terminology he'd never heard before and threatening laps for insubordination. When the hubs tried to tell me that that is the way to teach, I unleashed (mildly) due to the fact that I'm a teacher and I know better even if I don't know shit about football.
Why I thought this group of coaches, whose collective IQ probably still borders on low average and who seem to be dealing with some leftover frustration for never making it past the JV team in high school, would take the time to actually coach is really just beyond me.
Needless to say he HATES football now, but I'm hesitant to let him quit. I mean, life is hard, sometimes things are challenging. Learning a little tenacity could go a long way in shaping him as a man, but then again so could quadriplegia.

Glitter and Unicorns

NO, not really. I just needed to prove (to my most loyal reader, the other 3 of you should take note)that I can make ANYTHING happen.