Tuesday, August 11, 2009


So I started my new job yesterday, somehow I think I didn't exactly make the best first impression, although I'm sure many of my new "friends" aren't likely to forget me.
To give a little back ground, over the last few years I've developed a "nervous stomach" which means that I'm basically a gastronomical bio hazard when I get stressed. On top of that, last Sat. night I drank ENTIRELY too much beer, which often leads to what we so lovingly refer to as "the beer shits"!
So just in case you missed it , Stress=an urgent bad poo, beer=a really bad poo.
I can't say that my first day was stressful, but I guess my colon hadn't gotten the message that everything was gonna be okay. About 2 hours or so into my first training I decided it was a good time to sneak into the restroom to drop a quick deuce (sorry there is just NO WAY to say that politely). Of course my colon took this opportunity to seek its revenge on me for my weekend's overindulgence and what followed was quite possibly the most vile bathroom experience of my life. Lucky for me the instructor decided to call a break time for the entire meeting which led to a crowd control situation in the ladies room. Yes, the room I'd just filled with a dense green fog despite my frenzied attempts at courtesy flushes. I was stuck, everyone saw me leave the meeting and head to the restroom, I knew everyone could smell what I'd been up to. Really I just wanted to die, but with a line forming outside the stalls and no magical cloaking device at the ready, I had no choice but to unlatch the stall door and commence the walk of shame to the sinks. I avoided eye contact at all costs and went to sit back down in the meeting room, only to find out that my section of the training was over and I was free to go home.


McDowell Family said...

Only you. Only you. Only you... This is exactly why I can't poo in public!

m said...

hahahahaha...that is too funny.

reminds me of a story...some friends of mine (who happen to be fraternal twins--sisters) were stopped in an empty target restroom on their way back home to san antonio one day. they stopped because one sister said she really needed to go (but didn't specify which "go"). the other sister heard the first sister fart in the bathroom and proceeded to laugh violently as she realized what particular necessity she had. as they exited the bathroom, the sister with the "necessity" exclaimed that she couldn't believe the other sister laughed at the woman farting in the bathroom. as the laughing sister started to realize it wasn't her sister who was farting, the unknown third party exited the bathroom and glared at the girls.

semison said...

Hahahaha, jess- thanks for making my day. This is TMI but I just realized i was also dropping deuces at the same time I was reading your blog. Anywhoo, I just love the "walk of shame" to the sinks--all 2 steps of it! We've all been there, done that.