Sunday, January 31, 2010


That is how much money we spent going out to eat last month....

I'm literally sickened by this.

I can't even think about all the, healthier, more responsible things we could have done with that money...

We don't have the kind of income that supports that much gluttony.....

Restaurants are tasty little dens of pure evil!

The culture in this house is about to get shocked!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Don't Drink and Blog

Um, Yeah so I just went out to dinner with my parents and had WAYYYYYYYY too much wine, now I'm home and I have no good way to put this nice buzz to use, so I thought it would be fun to do a drunken blog..though it may be more fun for me to write it than it will be for you to read. (And just for good measure I've opened another beer so sobriety doesn't interfere with my creative process) IS it "wine before beer in the clear" God I hope so!. So without further ado (holy shit there is a word I can't spell is it adu, adew or ado? WTF you get the point) here is a list of random (and unorganized) thoughts that I'd never write if I were sober.....

Don't you hate it when people write "teh" for "the". When I see people do that I automatically assume they are a careless idiot, until of course it is my typo, in which case it is totally forgivable.....Yes, yes I am that big of a judgemental , hypocritical (I had to think for a second if that would be Hippocratic) bitch...

I sneeze when I eat too much, seriously WTF is up with that?

I'm considering starting a petition to eliminate the "insert" button from the computer. I mean really, who makes a mistake that is EXACTLY as many text characters as the word or phrase they originally intended to write???? Yeah see that is what I thought.

I was NEVER meant to live in a world where landing strips and Brazilian waxes were the socially accepted norm....NEVER.

At least 30% of my facebook friends are complete and total douche bags, but I am interested in their drama so I don't "unfriend" them.

I was adopted by my dad (when I was four), he has always been my dad, but my brothers refer to me as their "step sister" and it really really pisses me off.

One time my husband wanted me to see a doctor about my "gas issues." I never did...

When I walk into a room I automatically size people up to see who is smarter than me and who is not, then I try to stay away from the ones who are not.

I had a lap dance at a totally nude club once, she made me smack her ass, it felt dirty (literally). Before that I always assumed I could be bisexual....afterwards I decided....not so much!

It never ceases to amaze me that (some) people of faith can be so judgemental about atheists, I've lost friendships over my "godlessness" even though I am genuinely a good person. For some people in my life a feigned belief in god is better than honesty....WHATEVER!

I hate pictures of kids with food on their faces, it makes me gag. I don't see anything cute about it.

I think I was born without the instinct to want to hold other people's babies....I never do.

The grossest kiss I have ever seen occurred between an unnamed friend and an English guy, in a cemetery in Brighton. (thinking about it just now made me laugh out loud).

The first time I ever saw a penis was in a Playgirl that I found in the children's section of a bookstore. I hid the mag inside a huge book about KoKo the sign-language ape. I think I was truly terrified by what I saw...I was 9!

I had no idea what a vagina was until I snooped through my (ex)(yes I've had more than 1) step-dad's closet, found a video labeled "XXX" and watched it....even more terrifying than the previous thought.

I live in an uber conservative, ball-suck suburb, I totally blame the hubs for that. A mid-town loft is more my style.

I've always wanted to get a doctorate, but I wasn't motivated to start the program until someone I know decided to go for a Master's degree and I knew I could not handle having the same level of education as someone I perceived to be a complete, drooling moron. (on the same note, this person never actually pursued the Master's degree, guess the joke is on me).

The hubs thinks he is getting lucky tonight, but I plan to be asleep before he gets out of the shower......

and that is THAT!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

40 X 40

Here is the long awaited, much anguished over, 40 things I want to see, do, or accomplish by the age of 40. I'm not sure how feasible doing all 40 things actually is, since some might negate others, but I'll do my best.

40 X 40 (in no particular order, * are the ones I plan to accomplish this year, Green = In Progress)

1. Visit Australia

2. Finally lose the weight (and maintain it)*

3. Get Published, (any publishing credit will do here)*

4.Run a 5k (actually run it, competitively)*

5. Visit Canada

6. Go see Mount Rushmore

7. Take a zipline tour (I've ziplined, but never on one of these tours) (and I stole this idea because it is a good one)

8. Finish the Ed.D.

9. Run a 10 K*

10. Run a 1/2 Marathon

11. Run a full marathon

12. Get my Master Reading Teacher Certification

13. Go to NYC

14. Visit California (preferably here or here)

15. Go Camping in the Grand Canyon, donkey ride and all (seen it from the top twice, but never from the bottom)

16. Visit the Smithsonian

17. Go Zorbing

18. Pay off all Credit Card Debt

19. Pay off the House (not sure how I will do this with all the travel I have planned)

20. Spend a Thanksgiving (or two) volunteering.

21. Visit Seattle

22. Visit Alaska (might be able to mark 21 and 22 off with one trip)

23. Throw a surprise party for someone.

24. Learn another Language (most likely Spanish)

25. Have an all out spa day

26. Build THE closet (#4 is most like what I want)

27. Take a pottery class (you know with the wheel and all)

28. Visit the Ozarks

29. Have a totally organic raised bed garden

30.Build a fort in the backyard*

31. Add a bathroom on the down stairs (we NEED a guest bathroom down here)

32. Kitchen reno, (I swear some dorm rooms have bigger kitchens than I do)

33. wind tunneling

34. Trapeze School

35. Anonymously buy someone's dinner (like choose a random family at a restaurant and pay for their meal)

36. Take a Wine Tasting Class

37. Wear a bathing suit in public (Making #'s 38 and 2 a prerequisite)

38. ELECTROLYSIS (I'm of German decent and that is all I will say)

39. Become a Child Advocate

40. Visit Europe (with the kids this time)

And there you have it, a list (comprised mostly of travel, ambitions and personal dares) that I will work towards until MARCH 3, 2017

Nothing says 'I love you' like roses from Wal-Mart

Today is my 11 year wedding anniversary. I can't spend much time with the hubs today because of his work schedule, but I am totally okay with that. After 11 years of being married I am more than happy to have a few evenings alone on the couch, even if it falls on my anniversary. Typically we don't buy each other gifts due to this date's close proximity to Christmas. We are often too gun shy with the cash to do anything big. Occasionally we go to my favorite place for a nice dinner, but since I am trying to be mostly meatless now even that is not going to happen. sigh.

Despite our lackluster idea of celebration I did wake up to a dozen roses and a very sweet card. I mean nothing says "hey guess what, we've been married for 11 years" like a dozen roses from the wal-mart. Despite my extreme and deep loathing of all things wal-mart, I will accept tokens of affection purchased from the depths of Hell.

Really it didn't matter to me what he bought or where he bought it, the fact that the man still loves me so unconditionally makes me wax sentimental. Seriously, I'm a terrible wife, prone to sweeping periods of depression, and sporadic weight gain, I go on manic kicks of (insert current project here) that I completely expect everyone to cater to, I bitch non-stop about the ridiculous amount of laundry produced by my cohabitant and offspring, I say yes when I mean no, and no when I mean yes, I occasionally wonder (out-loud) what might have been if I had in fact chosen door number two so many years ago, my ambitions and expectations have changed more than I care to admit, I have nontraditional views on marriage and monogamy, and often I respond to "I Love You" with "thank you" at least 3 times more than the obvious "I Love You Too." Yet he is still here, keeping me in check, humoring me with lengthy conversations, shrugging off any outburst or tirade with an "are you done now?" calling me out when he can tell that I think I'm above whatever situation I am in, and really, truly not giving a second thought to my sub-par physique.
I am lucky, I know that I am.
Despite all my flaws, I still got a card today that said "I have loved you for 15 years, and I will love you for the rest of my life" and to that I say, "Thank you."

Saturday, January 9, 2010

7 on 7 (really on 9)

As promised (mostly to myself) I'm reporting my progress on achieving my resolutions. Last night I was reminded, by my 8 year old that "last year we all made resolutions, and never thought about them again." Yes kid, I know I'm a failure as a mom, got it!
Any way, here's just a quick update (I mean because really, it has only been a week).
1. Healthy BMI...I joined a biggest Loser competition at work, we'll see how that goes.
2. Take better care of my health...This is really boring, but I do have a check-up scheduled for the 20th of this month.
3. Pay off debt, well we are working on this. I put us on a budget, and have a lot of money going into savings to be put on our debt at the end of each month. This month, however, it will all be going to pay our property taxes and for some emergency plumbing and pool repairs.
4. Take care of my relationships, not yet addressed....
5. Run in competitive races...I have been training with my neighbor for our first 5k of this year (mar. 6)
6. Acknowledge B-days....(happy birthday if today is your day)....check
7. Get organized....I have been working on this, but since I'm the only person in the house that thinks this is important, it is an uphill battle. I"m seriously considering asking for a consultation with a professional organizer as one of my birthday gifts.

As for the 40 before 40, I'm still working on that, it's harder than you might think!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Resolution Review

Will post later! I was up late watching the game, you know the one where Colt McCoy pussed out, and Alabama beat the true freshmen, 2nd string quarterback! Will update on my resolutions (all 7 days of them) this afternoon.

Friday, January 1, 2010


Okay, I'm doing this, AGAIN. The resolutions I've come up with are not very original (at least according to, but .....whatever!) I'm trying to put them in positive terms e.g "I will" instead of "I won't" I"m not really sure why other than it seems like the thing to do.
So here goes.

I will:
1. Finally get down to a healthy BMI. Which will probably mean losing at least 50 pounds, but I guess I won't really know until I get there.

2. Take better care of my health via, cholesterol checks, dental exams, and get a physical (not just the v-jay checkup).

3. Pay off at least $25,000 of our debt (this requires some cooperation from the Hub, but he says he is on board)

4. Take care of my relationships, e.g. return phone calls, make an effort to spend time with the people that I have lost touch with. Yes you, you know who you are.

5. Run (not walk) in at least 3 competitive races, one of which will be a 10 K. (this one is a repeat of last year, which was a FAIL for me)

6. Acknowledge birthdays and important dates for the people in my life (I'm stealing this one from Monike)

7. Get organized (I may be genetically predisposed to disorganization)

and that's it. 7 is A lot of resolutions for someone who never sticks to anything, but if you notice many of them are interconnected , so sticking to one will help achieve some of the others. Also, I will update my progress (or *ahem* lack thereof) on these resolutions on the 7th of every month. Even if I am failing miserably, I'm still gonna fess up.

I'm also working on a list of 40 things I want to accomplish before I'm 40, and those will take the place of new year's resolutions for the next 7 or so years! I'll post them soon.

HAPPY 2010!