The Marriage Cycle

When I was younger (as in way too young to be making life altering decisions) I could not wait to get married. I couldn't see any reason why being married would be a bad thing, why we wouldn't be able to weather any storm that came our way. Fast forward to live tv and I'm stuck in this 'WTF was I thinking' moment, hour, lifetime.

See I see marriage as a 5 point cycle that goes something like this:

1. I LOVE you and find you amusing.
2. I love you and you're okay to be around.
3. I like you but do not penetrate the 5 foot barrier
4. I tolerate you because divorce is expensive
5. Please, if there is a merciful god, swoop down here and get me OUT!

(the only part of the cycle that can be skipped is number 5, skipping any other point would result in complete annihilation of the human race and leave Earth uninhabitable to mammals, or maybe it would just indicate a need for a few sessions with a marriage and family therapist, whatever)

I've talked to several experts (aka people I know who are married (and authentic)) and they all agree because, well if they didn't agree, I would revoke their 'expert' status.

Finding yourself somewhere in this cycle at any given point in your married life is totally okay as long as you don't stay in one place too long. You must force yourself to move through the cycle, so you can get back to the good parts.

If you are one of those people who believes that you always stay at points 1 and 2 there are a couple things you should know.
1. You are a fucking liar.
2. People think you smell like cheese because, clearly, it oozes from your pores.
3. If you tell me about your marriage, I will not believe you, or I will think you are just too stupid to actually experience the full realm of human emotions, and I will be tempted to simultaneously punch you in the pancreas while ripping out your uvula.

Anyway, I think you might be able to see where I currently am in the marriage cycle. (#5 for the dumb readers) The same stupid fight, over and over and over. I told him I wanted to leave, I even looked for apartments. #1 better be right around the corner, or there may be trouble ahead.

On another note, I get to assist in a research project involving Ipads and the Houston Children's Museum. I'm really excited, maybe I'll blog about it.