Ever since I entered the blogosphere a couple years ago, I have always been drawn to the more raw, real-life stories that so many people share via their blogs. I don't even know how I found my first 'sick baby blog', I'd almost bet it was during a post miscarriage google search frenzy, resulting from a desperate need to feel "normal" or just, at the very least, not alone in my experiences. Since then I have come across many stories of people dealing with hardships and grief, some seem to have an unshakable faith in a god or some other higher power, while others unabashedly admit to being absolutely pissed and resentful toward the unfairness of life (understandably so). Sometimes I feel guilty peeking into other people's lives without really being invited, but sometimes I can't help but be compelled to read their story. I'm always, always, always hoping for a happy ending.
The blogs that are started for some innocuous purpose but then shifted to an online prayer vigil after a devastating diagnosis, or accident, are the ones I am most drawn to. I have to read all the old posts until I come across that invisible line between before and after. As if I could find the switch that was flicked that changed everything for that family, that moment where it all went wrong, so that I might be able to avoid it myself. I guess I'm also desperately searching for ways in which these families differ from mine, so that I can continue to feel immune to whatever they are going through. So I can continue to exist as if it could never happen to me. Unfortunately, I have found without exception, that that switch, that difference, does not exist.
I wish I could say that reading these blogs helped me to remember how precious life is and how blessed I am to have everything I have today. Some days I do feel that way, but sometimes, some stories just strike me as so unfair, so ridiculously unimaginably unfair that there is just no making sense of them. It doesn't matter if you believe in God, Fate, Karma or all of the above, sometimes the human-ness of this life just sucks. Plain and simple.
I came across Tuesday's story this weekend sometime between cub-scouts and nap time. There are just no words.